Saturday, December 3, 2016

he amazes me

..........

I saw my sexy boyfriend today.

He amazes ME! that guy isn't a wimp like me, when it comes to the  cold.

Last time I was shivering my ass off, hating life! hating that I couldn't wear 300 jackets all at once, with my amazing warm scarf. -___- and he walks out next to me, with nothing, but a shirt on!!

" babe, where's your jacket?! Are you putting something on? it's freezing outside!!!!! you're going to get sick!!!"

 he laughs at me and says, " babe, it's not even that cold"

HAH! yeahhhhh, I always tell him, " You're going to get sick!!!!" if he doesn't wear something warm, or if doesn't have socks on. Does he listen? No never.

but when he does get sick, I like to tell him, " You should have listened to me" hehe..


Sometimes he says, " yeah, I should of, you're always right anyway..."

or, " ha! never!!"

I like both responses anyway.

The first one, because, YES, I seriously am always right! Never fails -___-
so it feels nice when he admits it:]

and I also like his second response, because it's funny. When his response is " ha never!"
he also knows that I will punch him, or tickle his side. It turns out  playful and makes us both laugh anyway.








Friday, December 2, 2016

best dreams

I probably had the coolest dreams last night.

It could have been longer...both of them....but Emmitt kicked me in the face:(

Sometimes I sleep making sure to cover my eyes- he's kicked me so many
times in the eye...it seriously hurts.

I'm like...' one day, he will kick my eye in!' if that's possible...haha..

okay, well....I have to write my dreams down on paper.

I write down my best dreams:] all the time.

It's not often I get those cool ones.







Wednesday, November 30, 2016

the only person i could talk with, about mom stuff.

Tomorrow Marina will be coming over for a bit.
I'm glad...she's probably the only person I could talk with-that would understand me.
We always talk about our lives as a Mom :]

I have my friends from high school too...we're supposed to reunite this month.
I don't know if I would be able to make it.
I'm not going to sleepover....not even if I could I would.
It just feels wrong to leave my kid without me in the night.

It makes me sad...haha....

okay,well ill write later.
Emmitt woke up.
bye:=]

park day

Emmitt went to the park today, he loved it!!

He really loves the swing- he cries when I have to get him off. That's how much he loves it!


Tuesday, November 29, 2016

some facts

Facts about me:

- I put like...3-6  things on my face ..like creams/serums/oils.

My favorite of all of them is my  oil! Must! i use it on my body too, and my hair.

I like my skin feeling hydrated.  Mhhm
I sometimes think I obsess over my skin?

- I LOVE the way coffee tastes.....except, I dont order coffee in public.
Alberto already knows the things i have to keep away from when we're in public...haha..
like grapes!( most fruit), an overly sweet drink, anything like coffee, strawberry milk aha...
any kind of tea! Those are my biggest factors.
And i stay away from them because they hurt my stomach really badly and then i'll have to run to the bathroom. And Alberto knows i dont like doing #2 anywhere else, but my home...aha..
When he sees me crying he knows how serious i am about not liking to poo in public places.
He laughs so hard each time! BUT he knows how serious i am-___- from that incident a long time ago. haha

- i like going anywhere in public. Even the meat market. I dont know.....i just think
it's  exciting....

- I don't have a drivers license yet. COOL HUH?? I'm a virgin behind the wheel guys;]
I'm not ashamed- although many people feel ashamed
for me. But that's okay! i just dont fucking care what everyone says.
like i tell my sister, " SO FUCKING WHAT?!"
People here think its not normal for someone my age to NOT know how to drive yet.
They make it seem like something is NOT OKAY with me. No bitch- stop looking at my life, and start actually looking at yours and paying attention to what the fuck YOU'RE DOING.
Why haven't i yet? Fear.
When i was little, getting inside the car with my Dad created this huge fear inside me.
He was probably on crack or just stupid high......
IT WAS SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!
He would drive so fast...that we would all be screaming in the car for him to slow down,
we were crying...and each time my Mom would have to yell, "Luis!!stop! you're scaring the kids!"
She would be crying too...i think we all felt that we would have died at any moment inside that speeding car. My dad would press the gas more and more- he would say he didn't care if we all died at that moment...
We were always scared when we had to get into the same car as my Dad....it would always happen.
And I've already mentioned this in my blog- but one time my dads speeding car got out of control and we spun round and round and round...and I hit my side with the side of the car...the thing where you an rest your hand on...and i had breathing problems for a long while.
And, because of that fear from my childhood....getting into a car was always scary for me.
My mom would constantly be telling me, " it's okay! we're fine!" if i panicked- she would see
me lift my arms up or hold on tight to my seat....
I had a few of those episodes with Alberto & my sister  too.
But, that actually stopped....around the time i had Emmitt. :]
So, it's been like a year! Good job to me. :]

yeah, when i was pregnant, my sister would sometimes ask me twice if i wanted to get into the car with her...she would say, " dont panic though! you scare me sometimes. I just dont want you popping the baby out"

My mom tends to drive pretty fast. And OMG my sister drives crazy- i always feel unsafe with her.
And Alberto drives normal....not too fast and not too slow- it's perfect. I think the only times i would feel scared would be when he makes stops. It's not that he was driving wrong- it was my mind that was freaking me out thinking we were going to crash- the paranoia.

--I have this really awesome journal where i write down the best recipes:] for my future
home with Alberto when we move out as a family. When i'm Chef of the house!
And because good recipes, should never be forgotten.

--I love stickers

--I love the way the Christmas trees smell.

--i love the way cow manure smells too haha....it takes me to memory lane, at my Grandmothers house....they had like 20 dogs....and they were mostly big....the house was huge!....and we ate fruits each day from their garden...














Monday, November 28, 2016

What i'm most excited about this month

The Christmas lights with Emmitt and his Daddy!

Alberto keeps asking me what I want for Christmas....

he can just take me there...that can be my gift:]

um...a chocolate chip cookie too please??? or maybe popcorn if I prefer popcorn that night.

It's so beautiful there!

I know Emmitt will LOVE IT this year!

Last year he was too small...he was like 3 months...

He slept through mostly everything haha..

But I know Emmitt will be wide awake with excitement this year!

He says, "look" in Spanish when he sees something he likes...

he says it like, ee-jaw or ee'yahh

And I know he will be saying EEJAW! EEJAW!! at everything...pointing his with his finger.

Man, he's so cute.

And, for whatever reason, he is most active in the night aha....so perfect for him!

Yesterday we slept like at 1 in the morning!!! All he wanted to do was play

and for me to look at books with him.

I tried putting him to bed, but he had a fit and would scream....so...

it just didn't workout till one in the morning.

He was still wide awake at that time...but I was so TIRED! my eyes were closing...

I had to lay with him on the bed for maybe 15 minutes? until he started yawning, for me to finally put

him to bed.

He isn't like this every night though. Those are just on his hyper days. haha...

For the most part he sleeps at 10pm.

on a  very good day, it will be 9 or 9:30.


Bebe Rexha- I'm gonna show you crazy

thoughtful gifts- envious people- my life

Hey Everyone or actually I mean, HEY YOU! :]

Today was a normal, very simple day.

Some Emmitt highlights of the day were, hmm lets see?

Well, he slapped my face in the morning with a big smile on his face as a

" Hello good morning!!" sort of thing.

I was like, " AAAAGHH!" and he laughs, because he thinks it's funny when I scream Ahhh

When he went to Target a few hours ago- the ladies couldn't get enough of his

cuteness with his sheep beanie. AND! he loved going to the store as well.

My little guy loves the outdoors/stores, just like his Mommy.

That's why I miss working. I miss shopping for little things.

If there was anything I wanted- I got it. And if there was anything my Mom wanted,

I got it for her too. I was the only one who spoiled my Mom. It makes me sad

that I cant spoil her anymore. I always got her the perfume she wanted for Christmas..

and this year she hinted to me what perfume she was thinking about getting...

and.....

So, I'm just hoping her boyfriend can buy it for her. Or buy her something she wants.

But......probably not.

My dad usually gives us $200 for Christmas.

With that money I would buy something For My Mom, Dad, Boyfriend and  Sister and two brothers ( even though I hate them everyday- but their my brothers. I still love them) AND TRY to get something for my aunts too.. Grandma& Grandpa....and Albertos parents.

I told My sister about this list....and I also told her That If I had money left, that I would try to get something for Albertos brothers. My sister stopped me, and said I was crazy.

She said, " You're a broke ass ni**a with a big heart, calm down. I don't know why you care so much about giving people gifts. I don't give a crap about no one, not even Mom, but that's why I'll give you money to buy her something for Christmas because you always want to get her something and I know how freaking poor you are,...and because I swear  you might die. It's a big deal for you. I'm doing it for you-not her, just so you know.."


I know! it's a lot of people. But, I promise, it's do-able.
It's not about the price of the gift..... the part that is supposed to count, is that it came from your heart.


:] I would buy Emmitt something, but I told Alberto if I could buy Emmitt his globe,

with Emmitts card. He said Yes. Last year I bought him a "First Christmas Globe".

I doubt they have "second Christmas globe"....but anything inside the globe that reminds me

of Emmitt, I want for him.

But, if My dad won't be giving me anything this year...then I might just have make

everyone hand written cards about why they are important in my life, and why I love them.

That would also work- and be really cute- don't you think?

I'm poor now, but later guys, don't worry. I will be fine when I go back to work.

And will be super fine when I publish my amazing book that I haven't finished yet.

I feel like I should start some Instagram on my book? to get followers so they can read my book

once it's out....

but I don't know how I feel about that?...

I'm like......in my own weird bubble 0__0

And I don't want anyone to know I even wrote a book? That's why me and my babe were trying

to find me a cool name! but we both couldn't think of one....

....like.....I wouldn't want anyone in my family to know.

or like people that I know that aren't my family to know.

I just don't want any negative vibes from people......

( I'm not saying  everyone from my family gives negative vibes- but some yes)

This is what I mean by negative vibes. At least from where I am surrounded from, from the most part....

If you are well off, and if someone asks you for money, and if you don't want to give them money...then instantly, they will hold a grudge on you and say you are a bad person for not lending them money. I've seen it happen with my own eyes.

AND....My grandma! she shocked me.

So there was this time I was really into playing the lotto....and one time I convinced most of my family to play because I told them all that they could have a chance of winning. I made them excited to play. I mean, it was only a buck to play...so why not take the chance? right?

We were all eager for 8 o' clock to strike...and when it did, I looked up the numbers on my phone.
I told my mom I didn't win....I told her the only number I got was the mega number.
( MY MOM DOESNT KNOW THE RULES OBVIOUSLY) she jumped and screamed
that I probably won like a million dollars -___-
My families mouths dropped & my Grandma went into this crazy envy riot! She started yelling
what a fuckin lucky bitch that I was, and that she was screwed because she knew I would keep
it all to myself? And that everyone in the family was screwed because I'm a pinche pendeja and would only spend that money with my boyfriend, and no one else. She was literally yelling
you guys, she turned red from anger.

My mom  was also really disturbed by everything she was saying....

SO! when I made my Mom calm down with excitement and My grandma with anger, I told them the rules for winning

the lotto. I told them my chance of winning anything was only like TWO BUCKS.

And.....so....imagine if I did win a million bucks? Why would I have wanted to

spend any of that money on My grandma, when she isn't happy for me winning?

and trash talking about me so fast!

I don't want people by my side, who envy me, if I do get money....

Like, stay away. Yes.

I don't need or want people like that by my side in my life- from afar is fine.

And, if I won a million dollars, Yes I would spend money on my BOO THANG, but because he's MY BOO THANG! I'm sure if my Grandma won a million bucks she would spend money on her boo-thang, so why couldn't I?! just because he's not my husband( yet-but eventually wink wink) doesn't mean he is less to me, than blood? Emmitt is first in my life...and then he's second to me.
Then after him it's my Momma, and then my sister and dad and brothers.

Alberto is my family...I'm sorry Grandma! but he comes first way before you do...hah...

OMG. wanna know what I was thinking about, crying?

So....I have one kid right now right?

And like, Emmitt might seriously be the only kid I ever have.

And I told God, that it was scary having a kid...the pain of losing them.


I explained to him that I am a very weak person when it comes to pain.

In my lifetime I have had my share of pain....and I didn't want to be here anymore.

It was so easy, to look at life without me, here.

But....when I had Emmitt....it made me look at life, differently?

It was now like, ' No matter how hard life gets at me....I could never want to leave Emmitt behind'

My life, is for Emmitt.....

And....so I told God to forgive me, if I wouldn't want to be here anymore, if he takes him away from me. I already warned him that my life would go to heaven too....so I can be with my son.
I wouldn't be able to withstand the pain- I already know how I am. I know me.

...if I had another kid- and one went away....no matter how hard the pain would be,
I think looking at my other child would remind me, of why I was meant to breathe. To live
for them.

And, if I just have Emmitt...then I will be breathing for one life. I mean, that's okay.
I think its better actually?


My dad is the same as me. The only reason he sees himself going In life, is for us.
I understand him.


Sunday, November 27, 2016

a semi-formal event coming up

He asked me if I would like to be his date for a Christmas event at his job.

I said YES. duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


After I said yes, he quickly made a sarcastic joke about asking
out someone else who would be available if I said no. He was like,
" because you know- that guy across from us in that car looks pretty lonely, you know?"

HAHA!


Now I'm like really excited about WEARING SOMETHING NICE!
Perhaps a dress- for real this time. With nylon on my legs of course-- it's cold out!

& I'm excited to see my date all dressed up too :] with his combed hair all nicely!




Friday, November 25, 2016

Smitten

I am blessed to feel so much happiness swarm inside me, with a single text from

my special guy.

My mom was like... " why are you smiling so much and giggling looking at your phone?"

She looked confused,  I didn't answer her because I was still texting...

" omg, you're texting him, aren't you? duh' I should have known" she continued folding clothes.

then I was like, "yeah aha" she just went, " oh gawwd"

All he said was, " haha I learned it from you babe"

We were texting about smiley faces...

I love when he texts me.

Sometimes I wonder why i'm still so smitten around him????

That was suppose to end a long time ago. Wasn't it???

But I feel like it's a good thing! time passes by so quickly around him.
Two hours, feels like 15 minutes sometimes...
I told him we would grow old so fast when we move in together- because the time would run past our eyes...

We've been dating for a long time, and no matter how much time passes by,

I still get SO HAPPY about the small things..

Or like when we hold hands, or when he holds me, or when he flirts.

When he flirts I don't usually flirt back because i'm giggling from flattery.

Sometimes, I still feel shy around him? like if he's looking straight into my face for too long,
or I mean, well there's a lot of little things. I think it's because I always want to look my best for him.
I don't want to disappoint him.....and I know already from the thousands of times that he's told me,
that i'm beautiful and yadda yada ....and he looks me straight in the eye and will say
that i'm perfect for him.....but It's when I tell him how perfect he is to me.

I tell him he has a naturally toned body that many guys go to the gym for- to try and get.
And he goes, "nah" and says he's fat. But I don't see fat?

So.....no matter how many times I tell him how hot he is, he wont believe me.
Just like I wont believe him, when he tells me my body is perfect.

And that's because that's what we see in ourselves. BUT, it doesn't mean, we don't
like receiving compliments from each other.

I LOVE when my boyfriend compliments me. It feels super flattering, and even though my babe
doesn't like it when I compliment him because he tells me to stop lieing- I know, that even though he sees a chub in the mirror -that he feels like the perfect chub, right after.
And it sucks that he cant see the sexy guy that I always see, but the point is, that even though
my babe doesn't believe in my compliments, that my compliments make him still feel perfect for me.

So- in other words- no matter what- he is still perfect some way or the other. He may not feel perfect for himself- but for me, he knows he is. There is no losing.


And It's the same for me....I  know that I don't feel perfect for myself, but I do believe in his words, that he finds me perfect. So- I still win!

And its okay not to like something with your body....it's normal to not like something.
I think everyone doesn't like something about themselves...

But, when your partner accepts what you think is a flaw....it feels nice. Because you then ignore that flaw around them....

OMG, I used to be super insecure about my crooked nose. But after so many times that
he would say I looked just fine, I got over it.
:]

My crooked nose would always be on my mind when we used to go out on dates...

but now?, Now, I forget my nose is even crooked.

YES ITS CROOKED! but y'all ready know the story 'bout that.